The teaser trailer for Dawn of Justice was amazing. We saw Superman. We saw Batman. And we saw that the film looks to culminate with the two superhero having what would be the greatest superhero duel of all time. The second trailer only reinforced this, with this looking like the grittiest, coolest comic book movie yet. But then they released the newest trailer for the film this week and they revealed some glaring mistakes and missteps they’ve clearly taken with the film. Now it looks like what could have been the best comic book movie yet is just going to be a huge melting pot of too many ideas and stories jammed down the audiences throat just to set up a Justice League movie. Keep in mind, I will wholly admit I was one of the people most excited for this film, so trust me, I am really let down here, too.
Here are 5 things that have made us FAR less excited about Dawn of Justice after the most recent trailer was dropped. Warning, I know a lot of comic lore so there will most likely be some psychic spoilers here.
So at first, Dawn of Justice was made to look like a movie that featured a giant fight between Batman and Superman. For nerds and geeks, this was it. The penultimate fight between the dopest DC superhero icons. Imagine an epic fight lasting 45 minutes where these two just pull out all the stops they have? That would kick so much ass, literally.
You are taking about what could have been the greatest comic book battle and movie of all time. But guess what? That actual fight is going to be short and secondary to none other than…
Are you kidding me? So the trailer spells out the entire movie for us now, but for those who can’t spell, here:
Batman mad at Superman for citywide destruction
Superman mad at Batman cuz he vigilante
Both aware or become aware of other’s secret identity
Batman talks to Lex Luthor and gets some kryptonite to help him in fight
Lex uses Batman to make Supes weak, and while doing this, he turns the dead General Zod into Doomsday (and if you know anything about the comics, you know what Doomsday does.)
Wonder Women somehow appears to help in fight and no one knows who she is.
The three fight Doomsday with Superman potentially dying (temporarily like Han in Empire)
Movie ends with WW and Batman (and MAYBE Superman if he lives) deciding they need to form a League to protect world against future threats like this.
Not the movie we wanted. We were promised a Superman Batman fight. Now we have a Doomsday fight, too. Don’t they understand CRAMMING TOO MUCH SHIT INTO COMIC MOVIES IS WHAT RUINED THE SPIDERMAN MOVIES?
Magically Appearing Wonder Woman
I think Wonder Woman is boss, and the casting looks solid. But many fans were wondering, how the fuck will she fit in this already crammed movie? Well, they show us in the trailer and it is as if it was written by ten year olds.
She, LITERALLY, just appears and Batman and Superman make a joke mid-fight that they “thought she was with you.” Are you fucking KIDDING ME? So, in essence, Wonder Woman will LITERALLY just appear in this movie and fight along side our heroes. That is hackneyed bullshit. Give her the origin and intro she deserves as an iconic female character. Assholes.
Zack Snyder Syndrome
Can we all admit Snyder’s best movie so far has been his NON superhero movie? His Dawn of the Dead treatment made zombies awesome again and is one of the best horror reboots in history. Hell, even as some people scoff at Watchmen, I think he did a fantastic job at making an unfilmable comic filmable. But man, from there his ego has grown and his work has suffered.
Sucker Punch was a video game disguised as a movie (with some great meaning that is buried too deep for causal viewers to find) then he remade Superman into a fucking Transformers movie (all crumbling buildings, all the fucking time), with Supes snapping necks at his first chance. Nope.
Looks like dude is doing the same “I am the new Michael Bay” with Dawn of Justice, too. And finally, the nail in the film’s coffin….
Mark Zuckerberg as Lex Luthor
Listen people, I don’t give a shit what you think here. Jesse Eisenberg is a one trick pony. That trick is acting smug. If you see his scenes in the trailer, he adds NOTHING to Lex Luthor. Just seems like the kid from Facebook talking down to two superheroes. Lex should have a Joker heir to him that you realize at any moment this dude could go bonkers. He is not some kid who owns a Google-esque company that has basketball courts (which is an actual scene from final trailer).
That, for me, is the final straw. And the fact that he will somehow turn a dead Zod into Doomsday makes it all even worse. Nope, I now wanna give Dawn of Justice a bag of dicks and beat them with it. Unless they do have the balls to kill Superman. I MAY forgive that.
Hell, I am still bitter over the 3 minute Bane fight. The fuck was that?